The Temple

Yesterday, I had the privilege to visit the temple in Boston, MA, so I thought I'd share my journal entry from yesterday.

April 27, 2013

Dear Journal,
     It's been a while since I've written about life events! And even though I'm really tired, I've gotta write this one down! Today was the priest-laurel temple trip, and it was a very spiritually uplifting day.
     I woke up around 10 and met a member of the stake presidency to get a ride to the Boston temple. (Oh, I forgot about before. Lately I've been trying my hardest to say a morning prayer with Michael so he has that example and will hopefully develop a good habit. So this morning I prayed with him and also started a fast so I could prepare for my patriarchal blessing tomorrow. I asked to be blessed with a prepared spirit and for a memorable experience at the temple.) When we were on our way, Steven and I realized that we had both forgotten our recommends at home! So, we worked something out so with the temple president and bishop so we would be able to go into the temple.
     Before our appointment, we had about 40 minutes for a testimony meeting. One testimony that really stood out to me was Steven's. It was short and sweet but very profound and sincere. He talked about how Chad was encouraging him to get up and bear his testimony and he said he was grateful for friends who care about him and want to hear his testimony. That really resonated with me. I am so grateful for the friends I have in the Church who care so much for me and I can always rely on for any kind of support that I need. (I actually recently had an awesome experience with Jonelle, I'll write about that in another entry though.) Also, we were encouraged to enter the temple that day with questions in our hearts and were promised that they would be answered. I couldn't think of anything specific right then, so I just said a silent prayer similar to my prayer that started my fast. Throughout the course of the testimony meeting, some questions and desires arose in my heart, so I also said a prayer asking that I would be able to recognize testimony-building moments, to have the Spirit with me, and to know that I was worthy to be there.
     We entered the temple. went downstairs to the chapel, sang the hymn "As Zion's Youth in Latter-Days" then I said the opening prayer. After that, the temple president addressed us and talked about temple work for the dead and encouraged us to find in our hearts a love for those who we were serving. (I just had a revelation while writing this- when the president addressed us it really hit me that these passed souls who we serve and baptize are our brothers and sisters. Later, when I was doing confirmations, one of them, for a woman named "Caroline," gave me the distinct impression that we were sisters. She was my sister, and grateful for my work. I didn't realize the connection between my experience in confirmations and the temple president's talk until just now- pretty cool. Come to think of it, the whole day really taught about the brother/sisterhood of mankind.)
     After the president addressed us, I had the impression to start leading in music to keep the Spirit. It turns out we had a good amount of time to sing, so I'm glad we did, it really invited a peace and love to the baptistery area.
     When I went to get changed, I accidentally locked the key in a locker, but luckily nothing else- whoops! I'll be more careful next time =)
     Anyway, I did 10 confirmations and was also the last of the laurels to do baptisms. I hadn't purposely done this, but just wanted to stay in the chapel for as long as possible so I could sing with the other youth. When I got to the font, I sat down and listened to last couple baptisms that Angelica was doing. There was a woman there, Sister Pico, performing a baptism for her mother. First, she did 5 file names, then everyone took a pause before her mother's baptism. When they performed the baptism, I felt peaceful. Then I opened my eyes, and Sister Pico was sobbing she was so happy! Everybody in the room was moved and President Young looked up at me with tears in his eyes and said, "She is here." I was so grateful for this experience. With the help of the Spirit, I was able to recognize this testimony-building moment. I looked around- there were two leaders from the stake YW presidency (Sister Stephens and Sancher), 1 from the stake YM presidency (Brother Young), 1 from the stake presidency (President Martin), and a temple worker. Each one of them was crying and smiling and looking around at each other in awe. In that moment, I had so many emotions. Gratitude for my outstanding leaders who are such wonderful examples to me in recognizing the Spirit (among countless other things), joy for the presence of the Spirit, joy for the answers to my prayers, joy for Sister Pico and her mom, awe at the ability of the Spirit to teach so effortlessly, and joy for the soul that had just been baptized.
     Sister Pico was then confirmed for her mom, and I performed 10 baptisms. I left the font with such happiness, and it was confirmed to me that I was worthy to have done those ordinances. This confirmation came to me as more of a realization of what I already knew. I didn't have to doubt my worthiness, because I know that I have been forgiven of my sins.
     When I got back to the bathroom, I just wanted to talk to Sister Pico. I needed to thank her. By baptizing her mom, I knew she was doing the right thing, and she had also provided me with an incredible experience. Right before I was about to get in the shower, she came over, wondering where to put her wet clothes. I showed her the chute and then said, "Sister, that was incredible." I couldn't hold back the tears. "Thank you," I said. Tears filled her eyes, and right there, standing in the bathroom at the temple, she hugged me, a stranger who was soaked in her white jumpsuit. But in that moment, it did not feel as though I was embracing a stranger. She was my sister, my sister in Zion. What she said next hit the message home. She said to me, "I just knew I had to do it, because you know, in my home I am the only one who is Mormon.  And my patriarchal blessing said it, so I just had to." Another prayer answered. I had asked Heavenly Father to help me prepare for my patriarchal blessing today, and he placed this woman in my path to show me what it looks like to be prepared- she was willing to listen and serve. The blessing said it, so she had to do it. That is all I need, to heed the promptings in my blessing. (I just had a revelation- I have to remember to think about things to ask the patriarch, because he's going to ask me if there is anything I would really like to hear about in the blessing. The one I'm thinking of right now is my mission.)
    After talking with Sister Pico, I was filled with even more gratitude. Heavenly Father answered my prayers. I said a quick prayer thanking Him. (I also said one while waiting for the shower, before talking to Sister Pico, I forgot to mention that.) Both of these prayers were very simple. Sometimes you don't have to say much at all, just "thank you." Your spirit will do the talking.
    When I went back to the chapel, they were still singing. It was so beautiful. We sang "I Stand All Amazed" and the Spirit was literally surging through me. I got chills about every 5 seconds. It was incredible! As we sang the second verse, my spirit was filled. It reads:
                    "I marvel that He would descend from His throne divine
                    To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,
                    That he should extend His great love unto such as I,
                    Sufficient to own to redeem and to justify.
                    Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
                    Enough to die for me!
                    Oh, it is wonderful,
                    wonderful to me!"
I was so grateful for the Atonement at that time, otherwise I wouldn't have been there. I wouldn't have been serving the Lord in His house. And I have only Him and God and the Spirit to thank. Another song we sang that really got me was "How Great Thou Art." That one always goes right through me- such an incredible song. The last song that really touched me was requested by Brother McCurdy. Now, I don't know if he was simply prompted, just likes the song, or knows who wrote it, but he told us we should sing "Come, Come, Ye Saints" which just so happens to be written by my great, great, great, great grandfather William Clayton. When we sang this, I was filled, and I mean filled with gratitude, specifically for William Clayton. Because he has the courage to come all the way from England, to travel back and forth across the plains, to listen to Joseph Smith, I have the Gospel in my life. If he was able to do it, I can do it too! I owe it to everyone that is to come (as well as many others who have gone before and are here now). Here is a line from that song:
                    "We'll find the place which God for us prepared,
                    Far away in the West,
                    Where none shall come to hurt or make afraid;
                    There the Saints will be blessed.
                    We'll make the air with music ring,
                    Shout praises to our God and King;
                    Above the rest these words we'll tell-
                    All is well!
                    All is well!"
Because of that faith, I have the gospel. It really hit me in that moment how much we are connected in this church. My grandfather helped to bring me the gospel, as did his descendants and many others. Sister Pico baptized her mother, and each youth did multiple baptisms that day. And we are all doing it for each other. We are brothers and sisters. We are all God's children, children of a King! (We also sang "All Creatures of our God and King"- cool! Related!)
     Man- I love this gospel. And I love temple work. One of the coolest parts of general conference is hearing the "numbers". AKA the temples, members, missionaries, etc. I just love to hear about the growth of the Church- it makes me so excited! Because the gospel means so much to me and has brought me so much happiness as well as love for His children, all I want to do is share it! And it makes me so happy to hear about the Church's extension "to all corners of the Earth!" And that's why I love temple work. It's spreading the gospel. In essence, it is missionary work. Oh my goodness! I'm so excited to go on a mission! Holy cow...it's 5:06am...wake up in 3 hours? Yes! Church! =D Well, I think that's everything. If  I think of anything else, I'll write it down.

Goodnight/morning! =P

Love,
Caitlyn

P.S. I just remembered something! Heavenly Father answered my prayers by putting Sister Pico in my path today. I was there at that time, in that baptistery  hearing that baptism for a reason. I didn't know it at the time, but the singing in the chapel, the key locked in the locker, the temple worker telling Sister Pico to do her baptisms before I did mine- they all fit together to put me in the right place at the right time, and my prayers were answered more than I ever could have asked for. God works in mysterious ways, alright!

     Also, when I got out of the font, President Stephens said to me, "Thank you for being here today," then looking me in the eyes said, "You are such a great girl," and smiled. She was definitely an instrument in the Lord's hands, answering my prayer about my worthiness, and I am so grateful for that.






Thanks for reading!

~Caitlyn =)

Family

Today, I was going through some old pictures that I had been tagged in on facebook, and just kept clicking through. I got to a section of the album that had pictures from the time of my baptism. More importantly, there were a few pictures of me with my uncle who passed in 2005. I sat there admiring the pictures for a few minutes, and when I got to this one

I couldn't help but linger for a moment. I have always loved this picture. It shows just how much I love and look up to my uncle and also just how much he loves me. The candid nature of this shot is what really gets me. I absolutely love it, and every time I look at it, it reminds me how much I miss him.

After looking at the picture for a minute or so, I clicked "next", having no idea what was about to pop up. As it turns out, that had been the last picture in the album, and I was brought back to the first picture, which just happens to be this one:

a picture of me holding my niece. Wow, what a feeling. The reality of my "aunt-hood" really set in. My uncle has always meant so much to me, and he was always there when I needed him. He showed more love to me than I even knew could exist in a person. When the picture of me with my niece followed directly after the one with my uncle, it brought me to tears. I finally understood just what I meant to my uncle. I love this little girl to pieces, and I can only hope that I will have the profound impact on her that my uncle had on me.

Thanks for reading!

~Caitlyn =)

The Awesome Young Men's President in my Ward...

So this is a quick experience, but it was really kinda cool for me, so I thought I'd share =)

Last Wednesday during opening exercises for mutual, I was pretty irritated. I don't remember exactly why...I was probably just irritable 'cause I was tired. Anyway, the wonderful Young Men's president in our ward is one of those always happy guys, but in a really fantastic way that never gets on your nerves. He made a comment to me, chipper as always, and I said to him, "Brother, you're always so happy! What in the world is your secret?" He simply turned to me, smiled, and said, "Now, you already know the answer to that. You have the secret, too!"

He really got me thinking, and I am so grateful that I have this gospel in my life. I am so fortunate, that at the age of 17, I have something that people search for their entire lives: happiness. This gospel in one word is happiness. Why would I take for granted the most incredible blessing in my life? I think it can be easy to, but it is my personal goal, and I hope my readers will make it theirs as well, to no longer take this gospel for granted, and I know with my efforts, I will be blessed.

Thanks for reading!

~Caitlyn =)

Learning by Experience

Today, I had the opportunity to talk to my dad about some things I have been going through and grappling with, as well as mistakes that I have made. One of the spiritual gains of talking to my dad was that I was able to better understand how we learn, embrace, and gain a testimony of different aspects of the gospel. While talking to my dad, I mentioned that I feel that as a person, I generally learn more from experience and I have a hard time believing things after just hearing them from someone. But, my dad disagreed. He provided this unique perspective on our ability to learn as humans:

As we journey through this life, some things don't need as much effort to understand. It is different for each of us. Some things, we can hear about, read about, pray about and gain a testimony without having to experience it ourselves. But, if that were the case in all things, there would be no purpose to this life. We are here to learn, and not simply by being taught and automatically grasping ideas, but also by experience. Sometimes, as humans, we don't quite understand a concept until we experience it. This is not to say that we should be encouraged to experience sin in order to understand the counsels against it, but it does say that if we do fall into sin, there is something to be gained, if we repent. My dad also reminded me that a true repentance comes from within. Through all that my dad shared with me, I was ultimately extremely comforted by the Spirit. I thought beforehand that my sins would hold me back no matter what, that somehow they would catch up to me. By talking to my dad I was able to accept my sins. They are in the past, and all I can do now is to learn from them. I have gained so much knowledge through experience (whether it be experience of sin or spiritual and/or real-life experience) and right now I feel very enlightened to the lessons that I have been taught throughout my life.

Most importantly, through talking with my dad, I realized that he will love me no matter what I do. This helped me to feel proud of myself for the progress I have made and for the testimony that I have and will continue to build.

I am so grateful at this time for a loving father and mother, who managed to strike a balance between lenient and strict, allowing me to make my own mistakes and build a testimony of my own. More than anything this experience with my dad has caused me to appreciate my parents more and helped me to realize how incredible they are at raising their children. I know that this experience is one that will stay in my heart and be a catalyst for change.

Thanks for reading!

~Caitlyn =)

Repentance

So, I guess this is the experience that really made the creation of this blog a "no-brainer." So, as a senior in high school, I undergo my fair share of temptation. I won't divulge too many details, but I fall off the path every now and again. It was just recently that I received my acceptance to BYU-Idaho, and when I did, the feeling dawned on me that I was going to have to do a lot of changing before I was prepared to not only be in that kind of environment, but to thrive there. I realized that those little steps that led me off the path "every now and again" really add up, and I was much farther from the path than I ever intended to be. In the past, this has happened and I went into the repentance process in an almost mechanical sort of way. I would always think to myself, "I have to do this, so why wouldn't I?" Only through recent events was I able to more fully understand repentance, as well as the Atonement.

I believe that the feeling that I needed to change was the Spirit: a still small voice, although I may not have recognized it as such at the time. Of course, Heavenly Father had much greater intentions than I did. I was merely thinking that logically, going to BYU-I with some of the habits that I had formed would be foolish, and I would not be able to make friends. A couple days after I received my acceptance, I asked my dad if he would start reading the Book of Mormon with me. I have never actually read the book all the way through, and wanted my dad's help to get me going and to encourage me in my study of the scriptures. We were able to bond through that experience. As I did this, I was able to form better habits of reading the scriptures every day. Additionally, I tried my hardest to end bad habits. But even with the changes that I was attempting to make (and perhaps not trying my hardest, or lacking a desire to change), I found myself falling short, and lacking the inspiration that I had once known.

As I mentioned before, Heavenly Father definitely had greater plans for my change than I did- he knew the lasting spiritual effects that "changing" would provide for me. And I believe that He saw this long before I did. Last weekend, I had the privilege to hear from the prophets and apostles of the Lord in the semi-annual general conference. Up until this point, I had not been completely diligent in following the promptings of the Spirit. As I listened to the words of the apostles, I felt extremely inspired through all of the messages that I heard, but this particular message was one from Elder Holland: "I am not asking you to pretend to faith you do not have. I am asking you to be true to the faith you do have." This line hit me with a conviction I have never before experienced. A prophet of the Lord was asking me to be true to my faith. Not only that, he was helping me to understand that it was okay that I did not have a perfect knowledge of every aspect of the gospel. The Lord does not expect this from me. At that point, I realized exactly what I was missing. I had spent so much time in sin, that I had lost faith, my testimony had been damaged. It was foolish for me to think that I could just change cold turkey and expect to feel the same conviction for the Gospel that I have previously in my life, conviction that I had worked for. So, I decided to act on a faith that I do have, namely my faith in the Atonement. I will speak on this a little bit later.

I learned another important lesson in Sunday school today. Our teacher began to speak to us about learning and eventually the lesson led to a discussion on learning the Gospel. Our teacher shared steps to learn: promptings, ask, inspiration, and act. For me, the key component of the process was to act. Heavenly Father can only do so much because he has given us our agency. He has promised us that if we ask, we shall receive. Therefore, when when listen to the promptings of the Spirit, and take our thoughts and feelings to our Father in Heaven, we can receive inspiration. But until we act on that, it means nothing. I believe that a conversion to the gospel is by a mighty change of heart. We cannot rely fully on the Lord to give us that mighty change of heart. If you want to know if the Book of Mormon is true, read it. If you want to gain a testimony of the Gospel, live it. It is the action upon our promptings that will give us a mighty change of heart and convert us to Christ.

On a personal note, today has been a very emotional day. I was able to meet with my bishop and speak to him about some concerns that I had, and reach out to him for support. After a long day, I knelt down to say my nighttime prayers, and began to ask for forgiveness. I could not hold back the tears, and sobs threatened to break through my lips. I pleaded with Heavenly Father, and in that moment as tears were streaming down my face I remembered the words of the Savior to the adulterous woman: "Go, and sin no more." Never in my life have I felt more peace. My crying was immediately calmed and I felt the Spirit of the Lord there with me. I was astonished at His ability to forgive me so readily. Repentance is a wonderful and liberating thing, but even greater is He who forgives. I know that if we as children of God enter into the process of repentance with a desire and commitment to change, that we can be edified. I also know that on our path of change, it will not be easy. As I confided in a friend this past week, she reminded me that these last months of high school might be some of the hardest I have ever undergone. She reminded me that Satan was not going to hold back, that he would hit me as hard as he could. But, she also reminded me that there is a reason. Satan knows how much I can accomplish, he has heard my testimony, and in the words of my friend, "he is afraid of [me]." But, I don't need to be afraid, if I lean on the Lord.

Heavenly Father has made a promise that through our trials he will always be there for us to lean on, if we simply turn to Him. I have faith that as I continue on the path of righteousness, although it will be difficult, it will be possible, and most importantly, it will be worth it.

Thanks for reading!

~Caitlyn =)

My Blog

Hello all! My name is Caitlyn and I'm an LDS teen (for about 4 more months anyway, then I'll be an LDS adult). I decided to create this blog because I'm always falling behind on my journaling, and hopefully this will provide an easier way for me to record things. Most of the posts I will make will be about spiritual experiences that I go through. I plan to create another blog to talk about my every day life, which will most likely include some stuff about church as well, but this blog has been created in order to record and share my testimony. I hope that as I do this, those who find themselves stumbling upon my blog will be touched by the Spirit as I am in my own life. Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoy my updates!

~Caitlyn =)